Finding Strength After Divorce
There is a quiet wave of heartbreak moving through our community women navigating divorce, feeling sadness, vulnerability, and grief. I see it in their eyes, in their voices, in the way they speak about their past and their fears for the future. Divorce can feel like a tragedy, like a great loss, like something that slipped through our fingers despite our best efforts. And in those moments of sorrow, it’s easy to believe that we have failed.
But let me remind you divorce does not make you a failure.
It means you tried. It means you put your heart into something that, for reasons only Hashem knows, was not meant to last. And that’s okay. It does not define you. It does not take away your worth. Instead of carrying the weight of shame, let’s shift our perspective. Let’s recognize that this was part of the plan, even if it wasn’t our plan.
As women, we must uplift each other. We must straighten each other’s crowns when they slip and remind one another that we are still queens, no matter our marital status. The hardest part of divorce is often the loneliness. The feeling that you’ve lost something irreplaceable. It is a mourning process, one that can leave you feeling empty. But you are not empty. You are full of resilience, full of faith, full of the ability to rebuild.
I recently heard a class that spoke about a baby learning to walk. When a baby falls, he doesn’t just give up. He cries, he gets up, and he tries again. He keeps going until he succeeds. We must do the same. We may stumble, we may hurt, we may question ourselves, but we must keep getting up.
As someone who has been divorced I know these thoughts all too well. There are moments when my subconscious whispers, reminding me of my past, of my "failed" marriages, of the fact that I have two baby daddies. And for a moment, I let the weight of it sink in. But then I stop. I stop beating myself up. I remind myself that this was all part of Hashem’s plan. My marriages didn’t fail, I simply walked the path I was meant to walk. And I haven’t given up on love. I still believe in it. I still pray for it. I still open myself up to it.
What breaks my heart the most is seeing women who carry deep shame, who pour their energy into new relationships hoping to rewrite their story, only to face disappointment again. I see women who introduce men to their families, who imagine a future together, and then suddenly it’s gone. And the pain crashes over them like a familiar wave. They go home to an empty space, feeling like they're back at square one.
I am grateful that, despite it all, I have my children to come home to. I have my empire. But I know there are women who don’t have that. Women who go through divorce without children, without family support, without a shoulder to lean on, and to those women, I say: build your own support system. If your family is not there, find friends. If friends are not there, find a community. Do not let yourself slip into the dark hole of isolation, because it is so much harder to climb out once you’re deep inside.
Every tunnel has a light at the end, even if it takes a long time to see it. Keep moving toward it. Keep believing in it. Keep reminding yourself that you are not a failure, but a fighter.
EMUNAH!